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XVII .- When two light of the fire.

The simplicity of the gestures, the observed details of the unique little acts, little nuances of the voice and the look and far beyond all that, is what one might think, which is sensed, which suggests, what is said without words, what may be in bundles of silence. Because Mrs. Aguirre, as I call it, is in the house where I have a rented room with me, accompanying me and having a conversation.

the conversation. Chat. The art of talking between two to understand and learn from each other and the other of one and check whether it is actually possible understanding, communication and if the miracle occurs, it is celebrate justice. Contact talking is the most enjoyable adventure there. If the target is reached, you may receive the trust, friendship, complicity, ... No not that.

- Do not worry about fees, gas vouchers and those details. If you need money in a few days tell me and talk to staff and make you the clearance. They're doing an internal audit looking at penny farthing where the hell were able to go to nine thousand euros for missing cash. You do not worry about anything. When the doctor will show high work period. In my you have a partner, a friend. We'll talk, but maybe if you're interested, could replace Mr Alonso. If you think your claim for future work. Although not in life if you aim to climb positions within the Company. The room, your room says about you, among other things, that could be a great artist if you could devote to it. Just have to see with that hair on plan Einstein, The Ramones T-shirt, jeans, guitars, that painting, drawings ... Does it hurt your foot?

- Am I on a cigarette, please? - I asked thinking that good times question his foot. Better not take into account.

Ms. Aguirre had removed three quarters black coat, skin, and had placed on the back of the sofa. Its bright wool jersey pearl gray peak, I think perl has discovered that under a transparent black silk blouse. Her three gold bracelets in his right hand and left, a gold Rolex also, a couple married for more rings ... and the necklace with four hearts of gold simulating a four-leaf clover ...
Seeing her so, so close, so eloquent, with this gift, sometimes admirable, the labia, made me think of a great actress, a beauty like Linda Evangelista or Eva Mendes, and Aitana Sanchez Gijon, or what I, the Marchioness of Benamejí, playing the role of marquesona.

carries in his body, gold and skin, enough wealth to feed for one year to three thousand children, it is possible that in a couple of days will starve. It hurts so much display of wealth, ostentation, so show him too much money and do not know how to spend it. They give me creeps, orticaria, frustration, disgust, people, men or women, which are displayed in this way as obscene.

willingly missed her in my room, politely of course, and come away with fresh wind. Work is work and at home on a Friday afternoon and injured as I am not speaking of work, if anything, the just and necessary. End of conversation. It

about the package of Lucky Strike and zippo in hand and asks if I give him a cigar, you want to share with me a moment, I do care that he stay until the rain stops.

- Wear comfortable, Ms. Aguirre. I could use some company.

And then the distance in kilometers between us became that between a cigarette and lit another when two of the same fire.

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XVI .- The vastness of the desert of my sadness.

Sometimes self becomes its own barriers, its own constraints, without realizing one, limited, unconsciously, their chances of success. For example, when I see a nice clock in a window, say, a Omega black dial, automatic stop thinking about it because I close the possibility that someday I can have a clock as well. A clock is prohibitive for me. So think of a black dial Omega watch.

When Ms. Aguirre, as I call it, crossed the threshold of the door, feeling the air perfume and its majestic presence, I remembered the black dial Omega watch that I can never have. Is unattainable as a woman, as a female, as a person. It is too sleepy for a dream.

But my broken foot prevented me hold me normally because a simple touch with the ground or anything, it makes me look far beyond the stars and for that reason, I guess, Ms. Aguirre said he accompanied me to my room to give me over and talk to me.

offered his arm to hold me better and I thanked him and his arm went into the room I have rented. With her high-heeled black boots is taller than me and her hair as black and black leather jacket and black leather skirt and her black eyes and their fingernails painted black and black leather belt, wide large silver buckle, made clear that he likes black. The black leather.

- You have a very nice room. - He said when I helped me to sit in bed and leg propped on a pillow on a chair. He approached the window and watching the scenery overlooking the Retiro, adding that he looked impressive sight, she lives on the street Ibiza, to be coincidence that we overlooked, since his house is not a landscape so beautiful, that this box, my box is impressive, like a sunrise in a forest of oak or beech, an oak or a beech. I love that picture. Come very upset, just tell me. Your boss, Mr. Alonso has had a serious accident on his way to Pastrana to join his wife and daughters. Is in the hospital in Guadalajara. Do not know if you can out of a coma.

- Mr. Alonso had a car accident? - Surprised, but not much, because this morning when my boss looked at my picture, saw a car accident. Perhaps his own accident.

- Yes, how it happened. It went into a curve before reaching Pastrana. He called me a while ago Mr. Yagüe, her chief of bureau. So between your ankle injury and now the car of Mr. Alonso, is to wonder if there will be a spell, a curse, evil eye, against the company. I have to be careful. I come to leave my children in Cité de Méndez Álvaro Cinema and saw two shots of cars, but only sheet. This time it is not surprising. It's hot here.

- Wear comfortable, if you want.

- It's funny, smoke Lucky Strike no tip. It brings back memories. During the college years smoked unfiltered Chesterfield, my then-boyfriend half smoked three caravels and a special friend, Leon, smoked bison. This room is like a world map where there are some things that look like mine. You have a good collection of National Geographic, English edition, as my husband, this zippo, these spikes, many CDs and that picture is the forest of my childhood in Montejo Who painted it?

- I, Mrs. Aguirre. I painted that picture myself.

- I like it because it has mystery, seems to be alive and as if to move the trees and the reflections of sun rays. Depending on how you look suggests different things. Sorry if it bothers you that gossip your stuff. By the way, what was coming, here's your envelope.

The money comes on the payroll. Missing commissions and incentives. I always have to cool something. There is no way to get paid according to my predictions and as agreed in the contract. I feel like my revolver out of the box and skip the brains out of this emissary, this Skulking, this figurehead of the company I work for, this accomplice, this blood sucker like me Will workers killed or leave?

then slid her black hair on his face and making the gesture with his hand to remove hair in front of your eyes and look at me ... it seemed crack the immensity of the desert with my sadness ...

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XV .- What smells Paradise? XIV .-

Cortázar

He continues: "You look at me, at me closely, more closely and then we play the Cyclops, we looked increasingly close and eyes get larger, they approach each other, overlap and the cyclops look, breathing confusion, their mouths are and struggle in gentle warmth, biting his lips, barely holding their tongues on their teeth, playing in corners where air is heavy and comes with an old perfume and a silence ... ". It leaves me a text and disarmed and the many contained in the book.

Awakening from a dream, like I had, is hated because I was enjoying and what I notice, he also liked my best friend who is brilliant and looks desperate, begging for a caress or a thousand. But neither can nor should be.

not usually remember dreams when they spent a few minutes, however, this dream with the Asian teenager, I usually agree even several days after they have been diluted and forgotten, reborn again and she, the girl sensual asked me to kiss her so he knows what is to kiss an angel from the land of the Rising Sun and it can describe. Sometimes I get to the end and I wake up or about to overflow overflow and in this case, it is inevitable and only a slight touch of the tip of my finger through the mouth, open pleading, asking me to cherish, that rubs me alubión comes and I feel comforted because Kyoto Girl I want.

's great desire and great need. She is always the reference, the horizon where I stand and recognize it as it was when we, the millions of kisses and orgasms were those three days and four nights together, near the sea, where the bay is reflected to bathe in the waves . She is the one that appears in dreams disguised as an angel of East ... and makes me feel alive and strong to fight for the love of myself, because as the mother said that I have no, the way in which you want, I want.

should be a thing of this winter but I tire of so much rain, so many tears from the stars, so much crying the sky. Perhaps the poor of the Universe is unlimited space so sick of dryness in the souls of men and sent us plenty of water so distributed among the millions who hunger and thirst for righteousness and bread with cheese or rice or with a little milk, or a little honey, or a little ... tender and light in the eyes of those who are blind.

The lamp is hoping that the lights dim and because the mouth is black as night, but no. Stay well. Think of yourself. Think about who you are and what you've become. The lamp is a good partner and I talk and listen and sometimes even discussed. Luckily no longer drink, because when he drank, the lamp became my damn enemy and moving and moving and made me mad, because the more I drank, the more I rocked her and cried, still, still I say , daughter of your mother and the light comes and goes and comes one day I said: this bitch is moved to warn that drinking does not suit me, and holy hand, stop drinking and everything was a stand still. Sounds damn doorbell.

no crutches or anything, on one leg, I wonder who came up and without having looked through the hole before glass.

- I'm Yolanda Aguirre. Abel wonder Is it you?
- Yes, ma'am, I am Abel.

opened the door and for a moment thought to be specific and clear cut, pick up the envelope was left to bring me and to come away with a fresh breeze to effectively carry out its role as Secretary to Senior Management ... he left to lick the ass of the Lord and his colleagues Director Senior Management of the Great Company that represents ... But thought better of it and sent it to pass.

A penetrating perfume and a wave of elegance and style, I got caught in a cloud of strawberry, cotton candy similar to selling at fairs and festivals in the small town north, where I was born.

What's that smell paradise?

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fierce pace that makes me despair.

Lately I have trouble reading conditions. With very good books I can not switch from one line, or paragraph, that is special to me, it hits me up groggy and with those who are not therefore gives me sleep on the second page. If I read: "I touch your mouth with a finger touch the edge of your mouth, I draw as if out of my hand as if for the first time your mouth opened a little, and I just close my eyes to undo it and, I born mouth whenever I want, which my hand chooses and sketches on the face, a mouth chosen from all, with sovereign freedom of choice for me to draw with my hand on your face, and that by chance I seek not to understand exactly matches your smiling mouth underneath which I draw my hand. " I'm rereading and rereading and say: my god, what I need to learn and then get up and start to draw. (Going for you, Mr. Cortázar.)
bad I am given to the nose, hands and feet and ankles, and breasts and profiles and front and so foreshortened drawing landscapes and give me wrong perspectives and the skies, and roads and trees and the sea and ... so after an hour or two trying to draw or read, I give up and then come relax and watch a movie the list is: Kil Bill, or Personal ... but now I have dream.
If I could choose one of the tenants would be an Asian, a Japanese, or Chinese, or Vietnamese, or Korean, who is an artist, which is a sort of Yoko Ono, very creative, very fun, very experimental, very avant-garde, very contemporary. Kyoto comes or Shanghai ... That has taught me smile Asian Art, the Art of his country ... how are the gardens dry, and the mats, and sunrises along with Fuji and how are the sunsets together Yan Tse river and sound like stringed instruments and how does the sake and if I could go ... would the people of their ancestors and hear the legends that speak of warriors, the samurai and how are the sexy women kissing Kyoto? And I answered a smiling teenager and asks me if I want to try and offer and close your eyes and say, look, and you'll kiss and kiss and I'm glued to his lips are strawberry gum and know strawberry chewing gum mouth Bazooca and all sticky and stuck look at their eyes and their eyes are full of black ants that I pass my eyes and I was born the fray and ants that I glide through the endless processions chest and I get to the ankle and then I have an erection and say my god is not a dream, is real and the foot moves as an independent and escapes my leg and I will walk alone and he just walks around the house and walking the corridors and he whistled as he is a dog whistle and walk obediently back to your site, register, and notice is embedded moisture and say the Kyoto Japanese girl seduced me and made me feel the most wonderful orgasm of my life and say in Japanese, sayonara, sayonara, sayonara, and awakens me hail pecking the glass of the window and opened my eyes I find the lamp and look at my picture I wonder how you can watch a car crash in a painting under the influences and the influence of the Surrealists and the influence of Magritte and my foot hurts and my best friend seems to peek above the waistband Levis # 5 as calling him a favor and to lend a hand. Go
later my god. What an absurd way to waste time. My foot hurts something and toes seem to be something purple. As I can study it all you can about Oriental Art. As I can I'll get to explore ways to learn to describe the wonderful musical effect of hail on the glass. The Art of Percussion, The Art of Drumming of hail on the glass.
The gloom darkens the shadows of my profile and poisoned hail pace the rhythm of my heart. Relentless pace that makes me despair.

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XIII .- What is life if not used? XII .- Tamer

in the street should have gone the sun, because the clarity of my room is excessive. The crutch that is the right has a small notch, almost imperceptible, on the handle. If I have to be disciplined will be. Notched crutch, right, crutch without notch, the left. Here we go. The corridor makes me very long. I have not much strength. I'm big, a bit tall and thin, skeleton, but small in physical strength.
When you reach the second door in the hallway I came souvenir alubión less appropriate for this time. From age eleven to eighteen, I lived in a boarding school. At first, I beat some guys. All were stronger than me. All. One day I discovered that I was much stronger than them and could with his bravado and males. I could with the mind. I convinced them without a word, that the real strength is in the arms or legs. I looked into his eyes and down the forehead like an ox. My life in boarding ... my heart pumps blood becomes waterlogged black and thick. A clot chokes me and I get tears. But I must not mourn. Do not mourn.
I like being alone. My way of being so natural. I like being with friends and some relatives, but soon tired of everyone. I prefer the solitude of my room, the solitude of my walks, the loneliness of my solitude. Back to my bed tired and I take a book. I had to walk with crutches, like turkey, fourteen feet between the departure and return and sweat as if he had dug a trench. I eat more ham and sausage, as my father died.
If rented rooms there will be much movement of people, lots of people moving in and out of the house. Good news: people come. Bad news: people come. No. .. I'd rather be alone, always alone as are the dead. In solitude I have the advantage of not disturbing others and also be the master, the love of my damn country. Whenever I had someone close to me, in any sense, always, was painful.
I do not want anyone to come. All alone, like when I saw her at the subway station with a cigarette in the right corner of the lips ...
- you give me fire, please?
- Claro. Grab my lighter. Smoke Chesterfield unfiltered. I thought we were not.
- Take a pick. If you look, they find themselves. Thanks. Nice lighter.
- Beautiful eyes. She
. She was y. .. What is life if not used?

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thoughts.

I've noticed that since I'm always alone, every day, unconsciously, I almost mechanically the same things. As I lay to rest the guitar in his corner after making a session of thirty-five minutes, about playing to repeat and repeat, with fingers, scale after scale, improvising and repeating the same patterns every day, I turn to the third drawer table and take out the pack of Lucky Strike, unfiltered grab my wooden box of matches and I go to the window.
I light a cigarette, after the match has been consumed half and the first whiff, intense, dedicated to the retirement landscape from my window can be seen as beautiful picture almanac, bird's eye view.
The colors of yellow, ocher, green, dark brown, and other re-invented by nature, take me back to when I lived in the small town in the northwest and had so many things I miss now. It's time to smoke and to elicit, from the tangle of cigarette smoke, the memory of which is always hidden in my, which always appears when I look at my smoking landscape Lucky Strike cigarette. She smoked Cherterfield no tip ... it. Better not think that I will not bleed the soul.
A limping back to the bed and sat watched the damn crutches. I have no choice but to face reality and put your feet on the ground. I have to practice and a couple of sessions, or three, or four, I manage with crutches and try to make an almost normal life. If others do so I will too.
in a wheelchair approached me as to the hateful and would take the one that will be to the right, fixed phone rings the room. Mrs.
is owner of the house where I have a rented room. Question, very careful, for my foot and how I meeting. Is pleased to be something better and no longer has a fever. Talk too much, too fast, with a slight accent and a few twists typical of his speech in Argentina. Ask if you called Marilina, the niece who is treating the properties they left there, she and her husband, and is concerned because for nearly a month with no signs of life.

says, too, that in the cottage in Cercedilla have several leaks and that her husband does not dare to raise the roof. They feel compelled to stay until mid-week because the re-roof of the town has been going on Monday or Tuesday to try to change the broken tiles and the spring are required to repair the roof in good condition.
tells me that on Sunday and Monday will appear in the Country section real estate ads, which contracted to rent four rooms to college students or working girls with fixed employment contract. I asked to attend calls, take note of the names and telephones and, when they return they will call to which they have been to negotiate and teaching rooms.

want to fuck four girls in single rooms. Contiguous to leave the marriage without rent to guests.
I said I would not worry about the food they need or what you want to use the house. We already accounts. That is quiet, not make efforts to walk, rest and not to worry for nothing.
Sometimes I think more than necessary and so it goes. Now I understand what the locks on the doors.
Why do my thoughts take me to the beyond? Should hold the reins of my wild imagination and thoughts become tamer.

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XI .- What it looks like Hey Joe?

In the room I have rented on the sixth floor, Avenida Menéndez Pelayo, I do not lack anything in order to be entertained, so it could be locked up, voluntarily, for several days. I have to make several lists. Shopping list, a list of urgent priorities, list of books to read, listen to music list, list of movies to download as before, list of exhibitions to visit, and so an endless list of lists.

Crutches are parked in the corner but not for long. When you log on to the guitar fingers begin to try to learn to deal with the crutches. It appears that fever has subsided and the blood flows properly through my leg and broken foot. I can feel the five fingers and move them to make sure. On Monday in the hospital, tell me if you need surgery or a good band or a good cast I can heal completely. A nurse told me not to worry, that the foot would look good, though somewhat more fragile and bitter than the other. I can make normal life in a month or two, if all goes as planned that is.

Another thing: I have to make a list of priorities for the work. The first is to get my house on the bank payroll. Enough of that make the slackers. The second is to go collect a good archive of all customers who have visited since my arrival, plus all that I need to visit. The third thing to propose to do much of my work without leaving home. Thinking strategies.

The mirror is more kind to me, but not much. I peinaré not shave me, that's clear. Beware of oral hygiene. I will not take never coffee. I dirty teeth. The drawing of landscape in pencil will not work. Break and start again. Do not break it, leave it so you can see how you evolved. In my book artist, retain all intents as if they were sketches. Each picture has to be perfect and it is good to see the preliminary sketches.

They said the owners of the house, where I have a rented room here in this house, lived for many years a highly respected notary and that they bought it to heirs, shortly after the notary died . It cost a fortune that had brought from Argentina when they returned after forty-five years of work. Even in Buenos Aires left that manages several properties a niece, the daughter of a missing brother. Delving into the history of this family. Trying to extract information on what properties are those and how to find her niece. Argentina, Buenos Aires, Buenos Aires in particular, will be another objective. Make list of Buenos Aires. Do list on the niece and the missing.

I'm surprised the immensity of lists that I have to make what books you take to a desert island? You what the hell cares, as would a ché. Well, for today I have enough fingers. Improvising on the guitar is one of the most rewarding passions because it lets me ramble possible melodies and meanwhile, enjoy the sound and the thousand strands that come to mind. Listen to this: What do you like Hey Joe?

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X - Start the stage of activity.

Here at home, I feel protected from the terror that lives outside. You hear the crackling sound of wind and rain slammed into the glass of the window. The anxiety that causes me the injured foot shows that I have not yet entirely dead. The dimness of the room increases and enhances the lethargy of my starvation voluntarily chosen. I do not know how I could prolong this state, almost vegetative, ad infinitum. Being aware of my unconscious and not do anything about it. The nausea I have come to dominate more and more strong and unstoppable.

When I open my eyes and I see how it shines in the darkness, the glass box, my box, there comes a terrible arch that makes me vomit that I can barely contain and gives me time to get to the bathroom where discharge all the bile and bad conscience of a disease that involves severe pain and alternate, sometimes pin pricks on the periphery of my ankle.
arrive and let my vomiting is over and grabbed the tank and with his head down almost anything with them not stain while mastering the dizziness. With the left foot I manage well enough to keep the right foot safe from scratches and contact with the ground.

I feel so weak and fragile, not I can keep me down, gently, on the carpet in my room. I look at the lamp and try to remember if this also needed to change a light bulb is burned out.
If my mother were here I would make a very hot soup, a two-egg omelets, give me peach halves in syrup and a spoon, herself, I would drink the juice. But my mother is not a very long time. I do for me what would my mother if she were.

count to thirty, I will arise and go to the bathroom, I'll take a cold shower without wetting his right foot, go to the kitchen, I'll make a soup rain omelets and look for a can of peaches in syrup. I'll take an aspirin and then open the blinds and curtains and I'll play guitar for a while. In three hours
may visit the principal's secretary of the company. Maybe. Start: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty-four twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine and thirty. Ya.
was completed stage of dormancy. Start the stage of activity.

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IX .- Why so badly posed question?

Everything would be much easier if it were not so sensitive to small events. Never before, since I got home I was worried about the rooms that were not mine, much less whether they had or not lock. The foot that hurts so bad, is turning me into an observer end, so to speak in a meticulously detailed. In watches, both marking the time of Madrid, as in the mark when Buenos Aires, the second hands seem to sync and move simultaneously. A second here, another second there so far and so close.

I can not stop eating the sandwuich of ham and it takes me eating a large orange juice. Quote me vomit stopped eating and chewing. My thinness never worried me or at times I could eat much fat. I wonder, wonder, where they have hidden the keys to the doors. If not look for the find.

Back in my room I see a tremendous blow on the foot with a chair that is paired with which, in the hall, decorate the dresser that matches the mirror Louis XV. It hurts me so that I can not fail to drop a stick, almost blasphemous, if you believe in curses.

placed under the shade and curtains so that no one drop of clarity. I like the dense fog caused the darkness. In bed I intend to sleep and not thinking. Do not think of anything or anyone to not feel the misery of so much humiliation. If I could have a high fever would.

open my eyes closed slits of light that illuminate the imagined images. Room One: the room of the owners of the house where I have a rented room.

Room number two: the music room. Collection of flutes, harmonicas, lutes, electric guitars and chair, a grand piano mahogany Stenway & Songs. It will be my favorite.

Room number three: the room of solitude. Only a small parquet carpet by the window. On the carpet, barefoot, for endless hours contemplating the whiteness of the walls and stop staring alternately at the bronze lamp in the keyhole. Cover lock with my jacket hanging on the handle so that no one can see from the other side what I do or not do.

Room number four: the room of books and manuscripts. Thousands of books in the English style libraries that line the walls and piles of books stacked on the floor and some forty-seven on the coffee table and five chairs on dozens of books and in the sixth chair I feel. The lamp also is bronze and has seven branches. All bulbs look least two. I buy bulbs to replace those that have merged.

Room number five: exercise room. Large iron wheels of different weights and colors. Use trellises and try to get as high as possible with their feet, holding and without holding. Practicing an hour a day with the bike.

Room number six: the room of silk. All rooms decorated with silks, taffeta, carpets, rugs, velvet, looms and racks. A bulb to get the points to stockings and fundamental and basic: a mirror where I see myself doing me a crocheted dress. That's right. I'll make a crocheted dress. Begin to take action.

First action: never tolerate the humiliation of others. Will eliminate anyone who makes me feel beetle. One of the niceties that Mr. Alonso said: "If you wanted, you could have me more than you think. I love your feet because they are like a lady. " Why

see beyond what the words say? Why are so ill-considered question?

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VIII .- Where can keep the keys?

Sitting in a swivel chair with wheels I'm thoughtful, absorbed in thoughts as ethereal sighs. My foot is not so swollen, but I still see the stars when I touch the ground or brush against something. I have hunger and parts of the meeting of Mr. Alonso in plan inspector carefully and clutching the walls and door handles, I'll encounter along the corridor, came into the kitchen. I noticed how wet the back of sweat from the effort.

I become a sandwich of ham and an orange. This kitchen is large and has a small terrace overlooking the courtyard. I try to take out the trash bag that does not smell. In the corner where they usually put the yellow plastic bag, some bags surprised me empty and broken screws. I look good. I go to the terrace to check a detail. I was afraid. Return

slowly into the hall and check stunned, more than surprised, that the bedroom doors have locks. The owners of the house, where I have a rented room, have very recently lock. When I came and I reached a financial settlement with the owners, none of the doors of the house is kept locked and never occurred to me to keep open any distance, private intimacy here is everything.

But while supporting injured my foot on the stool black and I notice the two clocks in the kitchen, I remember the story of this couple who welcomed me at the rate of three hundred fifty euros a month. A watch tells me when Madrid and the other time of Buenos Aires and the one yesterday or today very first time, been sent to a lock every door, it means they do not trust me.

Note that mesillla have left in my room and some detail that escapes me, it hurts. Do not trust me. This couple, owners of the house where I have a rented room, he deserves my repudiation and remove them from my list. Again on Monday at noon and is likely to not last long, once I have paid my arrears, it is easy for them anticipate the trip to another neighborhood, as I say.

I can not stand the possibility that someone does not trust me. If you do not trust me and I'll say it. Could be have saved the locks on the doors hide What you can not see? Where do you keep the keys?

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VII .- There is no somewhere else, OK?

is just gone. He said he had to go away. His wife and children await you in Pastrana. In about one hour she was with me I got no pity on him and walked out the door as you deleted it. One down in the list of my life.

Everything was going to flattery, to weigh my professional attitudes, to say that thinking too much about me, that bastard, he thought much of me to consider that we were partners. I put him nine thousand euros and nine thousand, we picked up a rented apartment, a secretary with business skills and blah, blah, blah, and that we were going to cover. He took from his pocket a pen drive and said she had customers throughout the recorded file and file to have that was worth hundreds of thousands. Do not be silly, join me and succeed. Think he said. You are very valid. I let him dwell. Say what you want that much to say and is doomed.

Mr. Alonso said, Asterio Don Alvaro Alonso, the triple A, as I called him, that if the ball he'll do anything you want, in the company or outside it. I looked into his eyes and told me the ball did not I make or my father. He stared at my favorite picture and asked what meant that he thought a traffic accident Who painted it? I said, because it's true Do you have painted such a wonder? I can not think why not me and I lunged for the jugular secciono?

Funny how you have magazines stacked vertically. What are they? Can not you see, ignorant? Casshier du Cinema, and Frames, I intended to say but did not tell because they understand. I stare at the foot, my foot bandaged, said that this band is too tight, too tight, not watered my blood well and I can get gangrene. He offers to help me and I leave. Remove the band gradually and with her cold hands gave me massages twins and foot. I looked into his eyes and I looked at yours. It was quite a scene a bit surreal. My boss on her knees on the floor, caught my foot, first remove the bandage, then gives me a massage, let it air out for fifteen minutes and then put the band but not overly tight. Give me temptations to give a karate chop to the good standing and to have removed from the medium. He was lucky that I hate blood and dismembering members, limbs, cartilage, intestines, liver ... I killed quite a few pigs when I was what I was.

As hinted, but said the company has hired several people to monitor our movements for our safety, he says, handle large amounts of money and we can attack and steal. Actually one of those detectives found as I entered the business from the competition. As said I remembered some episodes that happened to me:

Once I walked into a cafe for the first time in my life. Take a drink and the waiter went to mo commenting has invited the gentleman and told me to tell you in regards to your father. It was not possible. That gentleman came to me saying that I was exactly like the son of his best friend and he was also invited.

Again, I walked into a company to make a business visit. The receptionist asked me when I joined, that luck, that the post of Commercial Director that I had made was mine, as I had communicated by telephone. He said so convinced that I had to show him my ID to check that my name is Abel.

I can not accept, under any circumstances, anyone doubts what I say. I do not exist elsewhere, OK?

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VI .- Where I have the butcher's ax?

Sometimes I think about how they will be others, how things feel, how they internalize their successes, how they overcome the agony of second, how to digest What do I have events for a simple sprain, a small physical disorder, unimportant, Shifting me and thus revolutionize the whole world map of my senses? What happened to me? The mirror does not know, do not answer.

should be a woman, my androgynous appearance and my feelings so different, I think, of those who are men, do not match what I encounter in the other. However, I believe that if more women would feel about the possibility of being happy. No wonder, therefore, shy away from male and attract me with boundless fascination and female. Obviously if a woman would be a lesbian, and surely if it were also be a victim of my own Do not you?

As I brush my teeth I think about making a plan of this house where I have a rented room and a list of persons to be eliminated. Should take a square and a bevel and make a perfect plan of this house. But no. Everything you write is readable. If the police, or any interested observer discovers a plane, made by me, he will ask Why did a plane? What interest did he have? With regard to the list, black is the same. If I write and I have forgotten or lost, which may hold clues to read. No. Everything must be kept inside of me. Nobody knows anything I do not want to be known. Nobody knows me something to go against me.

My leanness, my black hair tangled, my height, my thin hands with pianist fingers, my chest with almost no hair, my eyes black as anthracite, white teeth and my care, my disappointment and ironic smile, make me a person difficult to categorize. Who falls ill people, almost all people, is normal or at least I'm used to. My broken foot gives me the opportunity to take stock of my life and I will use a good deal of thought and future action. I can not spend the rest of my life carrying this cross on my way to Golgotha, his forehead bloodied and hurt by this sort of crown of thorns that pierce me like burning coals of oak.

My eyes look like headlights and unique transmitted light is light from darkness, strangeness and interrogation. My eyes hurt because it reflects more clearly, my soul.

rang the doorbell of the house and as I could, on one leg, I went to the peephole. Is Mr Alonso. Has been and I doubt whether open or make me deaf. I open the door and I tell you that I see. I have already seen that the foot and knee bandaged, with a large swelling and fingers sticking out after the band, medium purple. I say, this gentleman who came to see me, you already have enough to confirm that I have a sprain. I ask, please invite him to come, who wants to talk to me. Passes and told him my rented room. He offers to take my arm and support me but I prefer denial and defend itself. He peers through the window and watching the scenery is second, he was surprised to see the removal from the sixth floor. She turns and stares at me. The bed is stirred and sit on the chair with wheels that I use in my office. It's something bigger than me. You must be over forty. Razor cut hair, nice suit, nice tie and black dial watch and several small sphere. A Festina. I had no idea you had this house. I'm surprised that you have ordered it.
Where would I stole the knife as a child? Why not buy the gun to the pilot of Alitalia? Where I have the butcher's ax?

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V. - The truth is the truth.

not sure what is reality and what is dream or delusion, let alone now when I am immersed in a scrum of fever that rises and keeps me sweating and shaking. The house has become a fixed element of thought, an obsession.

was the insistent sound of the phone which made me open my eyes and regain contact with real life. Although, if I say the truth, answered the call fucking time. Turns out I called my boss, Mr. Alonso, as I say, not interested in how I feel, how they evolve my foot, as it should.

says, he says, that I'm cheating, that I have seen for an hour to park my car and walk into the offices of Cobrasa, the company most directly competing with ours. By saying that this is not possible, I am with fever 39.5 ° and I can not even move. We had a dialogue, rather than a conversation, bream. Ensures that I saw, it was me, that was my car and I, Abel, was an hour ago coming into the offices Cobrasa. I challenged him finds him coming here and making sure of what state I am. That could come, it will be well received.

of such rage and indignation, came a sudden rush of adrenaline, which surprised me coming out as a tattered, shot out of bed and naked, on one leg, I went to the window, the shutters went up and drew back the curtains. I put on my Levis 501 and a black shirt and started the Ramones smart. Back to the bathroom to pee, I looked in the mirror. I have face a murderer, that if very calm, very serene, but with the intention to solve my problems as it did Dirty Harry. While I was dressing a little hair disheveled, I remembered that when I was little I wanted to be a thief and I was.

I must have been nine years old when, in the small town where he lived, became famous a thief who robbed banks for several years and that there was no way for the Civil Guard could find him. Such was the fame that he had a sleepless night wondering what you feel when a person steals something feel inside What a gentleman when stealing?

The next day my mother sent me on an errand in the SPAR shop, which bore the father of a classmate, Mr. Elias.
I thought it was my big chance to become a thief for a day and should not pass up. Arriving at the store from my pocket a small shopping list. I noticed a knife that was on a panel, among many others, he said: "Knives of Albacete. My heart is beating faster, my pulso no temblaba, mis ojos y mi pensamiento sólo tenían un objetivo: “La navaja”.

El señor Elías tuvo que entrar dos veces a la trastienda a coger unas cebollas y la docena de huevos, que eran parte de mi encargo. En uno de esos viajes, cogí la navaja que estaba casi oculta entre unas cajas de galletas, la metí en el bolsillo y hasta hoy. Nadie jamás ha sabido nada y ahora, de repente, he recordado aquel episodio. Solamente una vez, en una cena entre amigos, con alguna copa de más, dije que yo sabía que tengo valor para todo lo que se me presente en la vida, incluso para ser ladrón. Nadie me creyó porque todos me tienen por buena persona.

Lo mismo que pude being a thief and not feel nervous, no remorse, no sense of sin or guilt, I can kill anyone who dares to offend my authenticity. That offends me is the victim of my revenge. There are a thousand ways.
not need to prove the truth. The truth is the truth.

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IV .- By hook or by crook.

should be a maker fever. If I had on hand a good machine to fever, I would be addicted and continually submerged under the effects it produces fever when the limits are exceeded and is on the edge of the unconscious. Delirious, when exceeding 39 °, is to feel the edge of the preamble of paradise, that is, feel well above points of the dreams, the apex of like you do not fall, because waking up is it down to the real reality. "

Windows rolled, almost completely, add the room in a dim light that makes me dream. I keep my foot still somewhat swollen, on cushions on the back of the bed. Sudo and in the middle of August and, despite this, I feel a dry cold that I miss or two blankets.

I think that part of the sprain and the hamstring, I have a horse flu may have an internal wound in the foot, not found in the hospital and is drifting in gangrene. I wonder that what would happen if I have to cut the leg, if the legs, gangrene, the cut with special saws similar to those of carpenters. Not if they use normal or radial saws all "pit, as with the hams, or directly cut already?

What is what I'm doing wrong? Having a foot high do not know if it will be good or bad. Maybe I have been cut off blood flow and hence the tingling and fever. Radiant Clock, 17 rubies, a gift from my late father, make the eleven o'clock and I have no hunger or thirst. I close my eyes and visualize the house I live in a rented room.

owners, a married couple composed by Don Lorenzo and Doña Remedios Rosales Cambados, I rented this room, the largest and sunny, to help with maintenance and to feel a bit together. Say they feel alone and it suits them to have someone very close by if something happens, exceed seventy-house, as they say, it falls on them by their enormity

When I arrived here, a newspaper ad only taught me the kitchen, two bathrooms and huge living room. Of the six remaining rooms not talk to me and, without saying so, they implied that they were completely empty, except for your bedroom is down the hall, overlooking the courtyard.

Which is sixth floor and Avenida de Menendez Pelayo, gives you a special light and even a distinctive aroma. Since my room is a wonderful landscape of roofs and all the greenery and breadth of El Retiro.

This house is ... How do you say? I know: This house is the house of my dreams and as it is, I do everything possible, yet a little time, let the house of my property. Don Lorenzo and Doña Remedios, logically, it soon will go to another neighborhood. By hook or by crook.

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III .- I think I have a fever.

foot swelling has dropped a bit and I can feel and move perfectly every one of my fingers. Before the mirror detect a mark my forehead. Must be the bracelet that is in my right wrist that marks me as I sleep with her arm covering my eyes and wonder if it will be the mark of the murderer inside me. I note that it's ten and a half and I take a few minutes to clean and perfume the bathroom.

The wild hair, dark circles, fever and nasty grin on my face, is a true reflection of my mood. Within two months, and more, will perform thirty-three years and because of my inability to give up my independence of mind, my rebellion, I feel trapped, like a fly in spider's web, in a society that operates with values \u200b\u200bthat do not share. Thirty-three years lost scattered over a sewer grate and blood clots of a slaughter of pigs, thirty-three Añaza, almost, diluted in an endless waste of time.

To make matters worse, now I am unable to because of a stupid fall, in turn, caused by a runaway anxiety to work without adequate calmness and serenity. Much pressure to sell more and more to the game, such as scavenging hyena, profitability for them. Suffering is never free, much less mine. Look in the mirror the picture of ... a failure and that can not be.

home Soon I'll own your own business. The strain has been the catalyst for a revolution my kind of mine and I'll start ... make an effort and not touching the foot down, go against the wall and little by little I get to the wheelchair of the computer desk and from there begin to weave the spider's web where I perish the harm.

Sacred History tells of one who had to fall off the horse to realize the glare of their future and one that said: "If Mohammed can not go to the mountain, the mountain come to see Muhammad." I shave, I'm sick of attacking my face every day, tired of being humiliated me with their aggression. distrust, they think that my accident was not this or that has not been in work hours. Luckily I have the roles of the Samur and Hospital. End of story.

- Please put me Yolanda Aguirre.
- me, tell me.

will bitch. "Tell me." Eight months I've been in business and still makes the interesting and seems to not know my voice. Its designer glasses, her bracelets of gold, so elegant clothes, his style How can that in eight months has never seen the same dress or the same supplements? Where does that money?
Chance determined to live by and has offered to help. Has been to come this Friday evening, that does not work, seek medical certificate and the low pass brings the payroll and cash.

should fix the room and the desk ... I can not. I think I have a fever.

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II .- The ants.

must have been five in the morning when the terrible pain in my ankle, which roamed, bifurcated blood and poisoned the whole foot, I awoke from a delirious fever dream. I tried to sit up to turn the lamp on the bedside table but could not. I opened my eyes and looking at the curtains I realized that there were still hours before dawn.

I became the strong, weak or not and I did follow the lethargy that produced fever. That was when I saw an ant, red, bright as Firefly and the size of a sunflower pipe, peeked over the horizon of the big toe. The ant seemed to look at the landscape and if I had microscopic optical capability, perhaps, might have appreciated the gesture he made. I gave the order to advance an entire army that lay behind it, and as if it were a battle against myself, I realized that my whole foot and part of my ankle was besieged by a mob, a vociferous crowd, Crimson ant that I would bowed their sharp claws and jaws like knives and I feel a lot more poignant than a tingling, because their stream of formic acid increased my pain and getting my paralysis absolute. He felt like every one of those fearsome and disgusting predatory infinite tore chunks of flesh from my swollen foot. He tried to frighten them, to separate from them out of my territory, but could not and looked like my foot was being transported, piece by piece, by a huge line of ants with my stomach full of bloody jaws and carrying food to its stores hidden behind the baseboard of the room.

Nobody knows what hurt me so helpless before this unequal battle. I remembered the number of ants, of all races and species that had trampled as a child and helped my father when I was thrashing the era. Those mounds, those victims farmer of my shoes, they are taking revenge at this time, spurred by a message from your subconscious collective memory and watch me void, without stand or, at best, with a large stump, become bowlegged.

When the day dawns lady owner of the house where I have rented room, came to see me. He put his hand, cold as Frosty Poplar leaf in my front and seemed to believe that he had no fever or anything, that was fine. Left on the table and went on tiptoe as if asking forgiveness for the trust.

It must have been ten when my phone rang: "I am Yolanda Aguirre, the principal's secretary. Come urgently to bring the part down. " "I can not, I'm helpless and alone." "Before noon I have to have a sick, because if not I have at that time, date and fired." And hung his aunt. I sat and read the note left by the owner of the house. "Abel, we go to the mountain chalet. On Monday, when we return, or pay the monthly payment or have to leave. "

urgently need the toilet and as I can not support the foot and the crutches are not driving, I get down to the ground and crawling like a cockroach, I managed to get to the toilet but got the wrong cap, or not which would, if I put it is all gone. There is such a pain. (Note to Mr. print: I wrote: "pain", not "smell".)

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create one that can never be true what the people say popular, "Misfortunes never come singly." This has been: They say I'll have to walk on crutches, after eight days of rest, at least twenty days. It hurts a lot but, fortunately, I can write as badly as ever.

The company only have been concerned to know the hour of my eventful fall. 12.30 pm, he said. I had to leave the customer's card just visited and whose door to go a bit fast, slipped so badly that I do not know why I broke the ankle bone, the talus, I think. Would not surprise me that my bosses call to verify it is true that this visit came to and at that time.

I find it hard to follow. The painkillers are working. It comforts me to know that for a month or more, will not go to work

If I had someone I could meet ...

is a sprain.

It hurts a lot, I have purple fingers of my right foot and I can not, even if you want, put your foot because the pain is irresistible. I had to return to the emergency room and after several X-rays and nearly four hours of suffering, I have been cast and sent me home with you. I have mild hamstring strain.

I have given two crutches, with a deposit of 30 euros, has screwed us, and I have been scheduled within three days. I have to say a good season. At home, the lady had been very kind to me and helps me to bed and have lifted his foot and with an ice pack tied with shoe laces.

but I should not say so much pain that I'm tearing. I was tingling fingers and maybe tomorrow are purple.

Mrs. gives me soup and take a Nolotil cooked. I sleep about two hours and I wake up with a lot of pain so I take another Nolotil. I put the thermometer and I get the fever to nearly thirty-nine.

I get to sleep another two hours. I wake up wrapped in sweat and not feel the fingers of my foot. I look at the picture of the Sacred Heart and then in the wardrobe mirror, trying to see how they move their fingers. But do not move. The ice has broken and I can not call the lady to bring me another bag, are two-twenty in the morning and I can not disturb. They are my family, lords of the house and are on their things, sleeping dreams.

My foot is swollen, very swollen. In my delirium, fever, see how whet my ankle and I get five or ten screws and a plate. I see that in the operation, they dropped a bone tobacco, as those were my sisters played with jacks, and neither the nurses nor the doctors realize. Enter a wolf dog eats my tobacco and goes. The doctors and nurses talk and talk and when they are finished sewing, hold hands with each other and hear them say, "Good job." They go and leave me alone. I want to scream but I can not stand the tobacco of my dog \u200b\u200bate it!

think about death. If a simple sprain hurts me so much ... How painful death?

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CARPENTER'S SON WAS NOT IN THE FILM

I. -
FIRST YEAR. Villa
Albino, September 21.

Dear Parents:

I'm fine here but I'm nervous because everything other than at home. This landscape is not as nice as we have in town. All are soaring mountains and much to lengthen the eye can only see mountains, some even keep snow from one year to another.

The lady who serves me, the landlady, helps me a lot, but is very different from mother in all things and still not get used to the ways of being, talking, meals and take the knife and fork to cut the threads that puts us on Sunday. Peers, called Felix and Carlos, they laugh at me all the time.

's daughter patron, who is four years older, I want to teach to clean the shoes and clothes hanging in the closet. I do not feel anything. But that's okay because they have books, radio with magic eye, bathroom with toilet and bath and shower and writing to pen. I had to buy Inoxcrom maroon, beautiful.

Yesterday we had the presentation of the course in the film, which is very large and the teachers gave a speech or something. The youngest da Language and Literature and was the only one who understood. There are things that do not really know what they mean, but you learn.

sleep poorly at night and when I do I dream things from home. Although it is far away, the dreams are still the people. Mama do not worry about the clothes that suit. Except for the shorts, and I should not bring all the boys laugh at me, the rest is fine.

My sisters and tell them things when you have something. A dad to work less and do not scold me so much because my handwriting is so ugly. I do not know how to get my letter out like him, but teachers do not seem so horrible and know more.

nothing left to say now, I say goodbye to another hoping you are well.
Evaristo Vicente.

P: D - They say I look black and not know what they mean when comment, so low that my legs are worth to play drums. That is another of the strange things that happen to me I do not know.

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Sighs and breath of the Arabian horse in the top of the brañas velvet green grass, rock, thyme and heather. Snow islets dotting the beautiful landscape watercolor only to outsiders and the weak.

my father said I can not think of the inhospitable and rugged design of our environment as a heavenly place. "You have to believe in something that does not exist", - said, serious as an apostle petrified at the door of a cathedral. In the movies you go around to other things that suggest the darkness or movie, or just the thought that occurs because. Then comes the best part, when the brave dressage horses from white mane and tail black, fits the cartridge to the thighs lined buffalo calf leather, Winchester in hand, brand pistols with pearl-handled Colt, spurs bright as stars, haircut blunt knife and suddenly the tears and dies traveling the purity of the image on the canvas, because of the feel of incandescent electrode blight on film and is light.

Or smell like Lancome and famous, someone said to be heard: "Wow, now that we were the best ...". Came down from the cloud, I withdraw the hand, the hand that has its own life and that I will with pleasure cruise the depths of Puerto Butt, but it can be avoided.

- You like?
- What?
- The Movie.
- Yes, very much what goes?

not take to fix the problem in the projection booth and when the picture becomes, the gringo and killed the sheriff corrupt and complicit with the rustlers. Look at me with bright eyes begging to return to the search, but it is not the same. Actually, you smell like pumpkin.